Drivel ˈdri-vəl 1 : to let saliva dribble from the mouth 2 : to talk stupidly and carelessly

Silence Of The Dogs

This is an odd place to wake up from a nap. There are a lot of Koreans here. I woke with death on the brain and a faultless understanding of why it was such an unmitigated necessity that we dream up the gods. Is there a scarier prospect than a forever of nothing? No feeling, no observation, no experience, absolute nothingness. Pain sounds more appealing …  in theory.

I took a walk to burn off some anxiety. Heading into the city, I passed all the skinny Korean boys in their skin-tight clothes, with their exaggerated hair down in their eyes. I double backed towards the apartment to do some push-ups and chin-ups on a bar installed near the trail where I went hiking the first day I was here. The whole area was covered with a fine, golden film of pollen, or maybe this was the dreaded Yellow Dust that has everyone so excited. Exercise, I have discovered, is the linchpin. Without it, my mind scrambles dangerously forward into the future, or backwards into the past, unfocused and unstable. Where am I going? What have I done? What does it all mean? And, seriously, what the fuck is Yellow Dust? Should I be wearing a Hannibal Lecter mask, too? Nonsense, just work.

I almost ate dog. At least, I think I almost did. We stopped at some roadside truck stop offering a buffet of sad-looking food the other day. One of the items on display was a pink, ham-looking meat. I was told to try some.

“It’s good.”

“What is it?”

“Dog,” she snickered. I thought maybe she was putting me on, so I asked someone else.

“Smoked dog,” he said. “Here,” he offered to fork some onto my plate.

“No, thank you. I have one at home,” was all I could think to say. Later, when we were sitting at the table, the man said that wasn’t dog up there just now. It was turkey, he said. Turkey my ass. There’s no turkey in South Korea. I haven’t seen turkey once in all the time I’ve been here, and I’ve never seen pink turkey anywhere in my life. Without passing judgement (on the eating of dog, not the being lied to), I helped myself to more rice. The dog-to-person ratio isn’t what it is in the states, but some people still keep dogs as pets. I’ve seen them; hell, I hear them barking every night outside my window. However, come to think of it, there always seems to be one less bark in the mix with each passing night. Where once I might have heard ten dogs barking in unison, I now hear maybe three. Is there a dog farm in the neighborhood? Those poor, little bastards. They’re being harvested, one by one. No wonder they bark like that.

I chipped my tooth failing to use chopsticks properly. Yep, just when I thought I was getting better. It got me thinking about dentists and doctors. I can hardly order a meal; how would I go about ordering surgery? An invasive operation is scary enough when you have unwavering confidence that your surgeon knows exactly what ails you. Here, I could never be certain that I was properly understood. Everyone is bowing and smiling, and I’m feeling assured, I’m feeling placated, and then I’m waking up in a recovery room with my balls on ice. I said I needed an appendectomy, not a vasectomy.

Living in a culture of such dissimilarity to home is a lot like being the new member in some clandestine, secret society with its own secret language, and secret rituals, and secret handshakes. Once you learn all these things, life begins to carry on in its familiar rhythms again, but until then you’re just an initiate in Phi Kappa Korea.

Climbing some stunning path through yet another cut of breath-taking Korean wilderness, Mr Park turns to me to ask if I’d like to stop at a natural spring to refill our water bottles. He says to me that the best things in life are free. I’ve heard that before, but it’s as if I’ve never fully understood what it meant until just that moment. He points at the water, the sun, then like an enlightened shaman waves his hand at the group of us to indicate fellowship. He’s right, of course. I would argue that you don’t really need to pay for food either; you pay for the convenience of someone else preparing it. Sex should be free as well, for that matter. What do I concern myself with most? The things I need? No, I have everything I need. What does that leave? The things that money buys. Shit … frivolous, trivial shit. It wasn’t necessary for me to come to South Korea in order to remember this, it just so happens I did.

I can’t find a single stick of deodorant for sale anywhere in this whole city. Apparently, Korean men don’t wear it. Seriously. Some women do, but I guess it’s only as a substitute for perfume, and then only rarely. I haven’t quite discovered the reason for this yet. I just know there’s no demand for it, so there’s no supply. Perhaps, it’s available in larger cities with greater concentrations of western transplants. To be fair, I have yet to smell a Korean person at all, malodorous or otherwise. I mean, I don’t even notice the scents I’m used to smelling on women: perfume, hair products, body lotion. It’s one massive, odorless mob. Check with me again in August.

The dogs have all stopped barking.

6 responses

  1. Terri

    Your deodorant is on the way! And soon strangers on the street will be sniffing you with adoration!

    May 13, 2010 at 9:26 am

  2. Kasi Damiano

    Everything sounds like you’re so secluded. Considering you’re a minority and you don’t speak the language, it sounds like you’re not doing too bad for yourself. I wonder if there’s anything that we eat here that they DON’T eat?

    Everything there seems to have a flow… Do you think you’ll get washed away in it without knowing you’ve fallen into the current?

    May 13, 2010 at 9:44 am

  3. Dawne

    I’ll send you a care package.. Deodorant and a hugeass drinking glass… what else??

    May 13, 2010 at 10:17 am

  4. ragnarragnarson

    whether your here, there, or in between. wearing deodorant to disguise your odor, eating dog or turkey or rice, it is all the same. everything is the same.

    In Korea are there more than 24 hours in a day?

    as the great freddy mercury once said: “nothing really matters”

    the only way to achieve happiness is to shut off your mind.

    May 13, 2010 at 1:36 pm

  5. Jackie

    OMG, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry when I read your blogs….The dogs, why, why??? I’ll never understand it…..

    It sounds like you are pretty busy and that is most likely a good thing!!!! What can we send you besides deodorant and water???? Please let me know, I try to get something to you soon. Luv and hugs, Jack

    May 17, 2010 at 6:55 pm

  6. Melissa Hall

    I don’t know you that well I know of you and I know your family so I was
    reading your blog and coming from a person who doesn’t make the time to sit and relax and read a novel. You should be writing novels I was laughing and I was finding it interesting and I couldnt wait to read what was next I actually thought I was reading a book. Thank you!

    May 18, 2010 at 10:08 pm

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